How Can This Be Me? | Year of Yes

Most people that know me would never in a million years describe me as introverted.  I rarely if ever have a problem standing up and speaking up in public, I don’t have children, and as far as I know I don’t have one let alone two Emmy award-winning television shows on any major network or even a syndicated one.  So can someone please explain to me why Shonda Rhimes book “Year of Yes” is speaking directly to my soul?  And let me tell you that I am not liking it one bit.

It is really strange when something holds a mirror up to your face and forces you to confront things that you have carefully swept under the rug in a steel lined and chastity belt locked room.  You realized that maybe you aren’t as happy as you thought.  Maybe you have just been keeping your carefully crafted smile in place so that no one really looks to close; including yourself.

I have a cousin that sees herself in absolutely everything that she watches.  Loner art student that just got her heart broken by the musician that is going away to pursue his dreams, physical therapist who falls for the wrong guy and has to rebuild her life, man who just lost both his legs and is struggling to learn to walk again.  All of them will have her screaming “Why is this my life?”.  I have never been that person.  Sure I can relate to characters that I have things in common with but I don’t see myself or my life in too much of anything I read or watch.

Yet Shonda, I feel like we need to be on a first name basis…she is after all cutting into my heart, has become my twin.  We might be fraternal but we are twins none the less.  From chapter one and definitely chapter two she has forced me to confront somethings that while I might have known on the periphery of my mind I didn’t want to look to close to and I’m not even halfway through this book.  This actually was suppose to be a post about ways to start getting ready for the new year and yet.

I had decided to go ahead and read this book because it has been on my “need to read” list for quite some time but for some reason I kept putting it off.  Now after starting it I think that subconsciously I knew that it would be life changing.  Still I decided to dive in as I start to really think about how I want to end the year and start setting my goals for 2018.

I normally take a few months to really reflect on how the year has gone, what is ahead, and what changes I would like to make.  Am I great and sticking to what I set before me?  Depends on the day but when I write down a goal it is well thought out and absolutely something of importance to me.

Now I’m sitting here reading this book and I’m rethinking so much about my life, about my goals, about who I am.  How did that happen?  I tell you Shonda and I are in a gladiator match for the ages right now.  Part of me wants to put this book down and move on with one of the others on my list but it’s become that huge scab on your arm that you know you shouldn’t pick at but you just can’t stop.  It’s my own personal chicken poxs and I’m scratching all up in this piece.  Besides one of my favorite quotes is “Everything you want is on the other side of fear”.  How can I stop just because I can’t take the chance that I will be inspired to change things in my life and that is as scary as stepping on a scale after finishing a pan of double chocolate frosted brownies.

If you are looking for a book that might or might not have you grabbing for the Merlot and wishing you had just read the new Stephen King book instead then I highly recommend this one.  It could go down hill from here (I’m still in the middle of chapter 5) but somehow I just don’t think the queen of Thursday night drama is coming with anything other than a “How to Get Away With Murder” wig pulled off, one tear down the check, WTF  type of ending that is sure to drop a bomb of knowledge.  I could be wrong but if you have ever watched one of her finales then you wouldn’t question my logic.

I’ll see you at the end.

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